When I first started biblical counseling over forty years ago, the common practice was to assign books for counselees to read as homework. Sadly, we often would have counselees come back the following week without having read a single page. As our movement grew, various series of mini-books were published on various counseling topics. We passed these out with great expectations that they would be read. Some were used, but many counselees still didn’t get through them. In recent years, we have come up with a new approach. We are creating counseling cards that we can use with our counselees both during their sessions and for homework.
Several years ago, I had a sequence of several cases in which I was trying to help men with significant anger issues. In order to help the lessons sink in, I started instructing my counselees to get a three-by-five index card and write down the principles and passages we had discussed for understanding and dealing with their sinful anger. As I did this in case after case, I noticed that I was covering very similar ground with each man. Over time, I identified five key principles and supporting passages for dealing with anger. Then, a member of our staff suggested that rather than having counselees write out the principles and verses on their own index card, we could take my five principles and texts and print them on cards we could distribute. He applied some of his graphic design skills, and we found that they printed well on our office color printer/copier using card stock.
Here is the current version of the first card we created.
Typically, we will go over the card during the session, having the counselee look up each passage while applying it to the particular issues about which he was tempted to be angry. We will often go through a past failure to see how these biblical principles could have helped him to show grace instead of judgment. The counselee will then be given the card as part of his homework to review daily and to have ready for review when he is tempted by anger.
This approach applies the biblical principle of being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19). Some of us as children were taught to try to control our anger by counting to ten when we felt upset or wronged. This may help to some degree because delay can help to diffuse anger, even in unbelievers. One might say or do something destructive in the initial flush of anger, which he would not say if he waited to respond to provocation (Prov. 25:28). The approach taken by our card, however, is much better than merely counting to ten because it reminds the Christian of five specific gospel-focused truths (counting to five) which can put out the fires of anger and potentially bring forth grace and love. God’s Word is uniquely powerful in softening hard hearts (Ps. 19:7-10; Heb. 4:12-13).
In his classic book, Spiritual Depression, Doctor Martyn Lloyd-Jones coined what has become a famous saying derived from his exposition of Psalm 42, in which the Psalmist alternates lament over his hard circumstances with words of truth and hope. Lloyd-Jones says that the depressed person must follow the psalmist’s pattern as he stops listening to himself and starts talking to himself. When we are distressed, our minds, left to themselves, tend to run toward despair and unbelief. So, we need to answer these lies with biblical truth.
I have found that this principle applies not only to those who are depressed but also to those whose distress tempts them to be angry or worried. When we listen to our own thoughts, we spiral further down into sadness, anxiety, and anger. Satan is a liar and a destroyer (John 8:44). The angry person is tempted to believe Satan’s lies and, in a sense, to murder (Matt. 5:21-22) those whom they believe have wronged them. Instead, we must identify Satan’s lies and answer them with the mighty truth of Scripture. That is what the anger card attempts to do. We must actively fill our minds with God’s life-giving truth (Phil. 4:8-9).
Since creating the anger card, we have created several more cards, including worry, sadness/depression, rejection, keys to strengthening marriage, and distinguishing between true repentance versus worldly sorrow. The cards have been translated into several languages, including Spanish, Chinese, German, Greek, Indonesian, Italian, and Portuguese. We have printed and given away tens of thousands of cards and made them available for free download and printing at:
- https://jimnewheiser.com/counseling-cards-english/
- https://jimnewheiser.com/counseling-cards-spanish/
- https://jimnewheiser.com/counseling-cards-chinese/
- https://jimnewheiser.com/counseling-cards-german/
- https://jimnewheiser.com/counseling-cards-greek/
- https://jimnewheiser.com/counseling-cards-italian/
- https://jimnewheiser.com/counseling-cards-indonesian/
- https://jimnewheiser.com/counseling-cards-portuguese/
I welcome you to use our cards. Feel free to improve them and create your own.
Questions for Reflection
- Why do many counselees have difficulty in reading books?
- How can counseling cards help those who are reluctant to read?
- What are some other ways we can help those who aren’t readers?
- How can counseling cards be used during a session?
- How can counseling cards be used as homework?